


Make the Yuletide Gay

by Fanofthearts



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, Advent Calendar, Bernie as a handywoman, Bernie isn't dead, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Fix It, Fluff, Miscarriage, Romance, Serena as a riding instructor, Tropes, bed sharing, supply cupboards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:02:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 12,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21634099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanofthearts/pseuds/Fanofthearts
Summary: Ficlets for the 2019 Berena Advent Challenge
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 91
Kudos: 209
Collections: Berena Advent 2019





	1. Feast

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Iordio for your quick look over of this little story.

**Monday**

Serena’s eyes raked over Bernie’s back, down over the curve of her hip; just visible under her dark blue trauma scrubs. Down her backside, where the thin cotton material stretched against firm flesh. She felt her face heat at the mere sight. What she wouldn’t give to let her hands run over it and learn her body. Allow her fingers to sink into her soft hair, trail her lips down her neck; to hear her voice cry out.

“See something you like?” Serena was so lost in her daydream she didn’t realise she was being watched watching her lanky blonde co-lead until it was too late. 

The brunette jumped, the file she clutched in her hand went flying and she let out a small yelp drawing the attention of the said blonde co-lead. “I-I’m sorry?”

Fleur threw her head back and laughed, “Oh nothing, you just looked like a starved woman staring at a feast is all.” She winked and purposely brushed a bit too close to Serena, Fleur’s eyes found the blonde’s staring at her, brows furrowed. 

**Wednesday**

Bernie’s hands knew the routine by now; almost thirty years of scrubbing out she could do it in her sleep. As she soaped up her hands and arms her eyes fell to Serena, still closing up the chest cavity of the man they just successfully operated on. Her eyes traced the soft curve of her hips just visible under her surgical gown. She knew under the flimsy paper were her pale blue scrubs that she hated and Bernie secretly adored. Her mind remembered in exquisite detail how they hugged her breasts, strained taunt against the swell of her stomach, and against her thighs. How Bernie yearned to reach out, let her fingers follow the line her mind’s eye just traced. Her eyes flickered to Serena’s face, her eyes crinkling as she talked to Morven. She imagined kissing those lines, down her high cheekbones, to her mouth. She was dying of curiosity to find out what she tasted like. 

“My, my, it must be going around.” Fleur’s voice cut through the silence of the empty room causing Bernie to jump.

“Could you wear louder shoes please?” Bernie barked, water spraying onto her scrubs. 

Fleur just smirked, turning on the tap next to Bernie to begin the scrubbing in process for the adjoining theatre. “I’m sorry Ms. Wolfe, you just look… famished.” Her eyes raked up Bernie’s body, her lips curling into a saucy smile, “Like you see a feast laid out before you, barely able to contain yourself from devouring it.” Her head inclined into the theater in front of them. 

Bernie felt herself blush, “I-I was just lost in thought.” She quickly finished washing and reached for the towel dispenser before bolting from the room. 

Fleur smiled to herself, there was definitely something there. Something she could make happen if she could push all the right buttons.


	2. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware, this is unedited and wrote in a bit of a rush.

“Damn it, Bern! It’s a simple box step! Not brain surgery, stop stepping on me!” Marcus’s angry voice cut through the quiet dance studio. The instructor stepped away from her dancing partner and approached the couple. It was Marcus’s parent’s idea that they took lesions. Their wedding was to be formal and Bernie begrudgingly agreed to lesions when they realized she’d never danced. 

“Is there a problem here?” She asked, her voice crisp and stern glaring at Marcus, one hand on her hip.

“She can’t even do a simple box! It is not that difficult! We have been over this how many times!” Marcus motioned to Bernie who was dejectedly staring at her feet. Her light brown hair shading her face. 

Serena McKinnie’s dark eyes narrowed, “This is the point of the lessons Mr. Dunn.” She glared at him, “You are here to learn and learn how to dance with your fiancé. I understand you have dance experience but obviously your fiancé doesn’t.” She looked him up and down her stomach turning at the sneer on his face. “Why don’t you take a walk?”

“What?” Marcus huffed gaping at her.

“I suggest you take a walk around the block and cool off while I work with Ms Wolfe on her footwork.”

The room was deathly silent. Tonight was small, with only three other couples in the studio. Some were taking lessons for their anniversary, others for an upcoming prom, and Bernie and Marcus for their upcoming nuptials. The minute Bernie walked into the studio Serena had taken a liking to her, the immediate distaste she felt for Marcus was growing by the second. 

He threw his hands up, “Fine.” Before stalking out of the room leaving stunned silence behind him. 

“Right!” Serena clapped her hands walking back over to the cassette player, she flipped the cassette over and a Strauss waltz filled the room. “Now where were we?” Serena took Bernie into a hold and counted them in. Her left foot nudging Bernie’s right back and easily leading her around the room. “It isn’t your feet that move and follow it’s your hips.” Serena moved her left hand lower and squeezed Bernie’s hip to push her to the right gently. “The looser your hips are the better your dancing will be.” She winked at the taller woman, smiling when she got a blush and a small smile in response. 

“How long have you two been engaged?” She asked after they made two passes around the room without incident.

“Oh about two months.” She shook her head and Serena thought she saw tears glisten in her eyes. “I really don’t know what I was thinking when I said yes. I guess I got wrapped up in it all. His mother is quite…pushy.” 

Serena gave her a soft smile, “Eyes up.” She reminded gently, “I’m sure there is still time to say no. If you don’t mind me saying, he was a down right arse just now. I’m sure it isn’t the first time.” 

Bernie shook her head, “The dress is already bought; all the food and cake is ordered. We get married in less than two months, it’s a bit late to call it off now.”

Serena shook her head, “It is better to call it off now than to be stuck married with him for the rest of your life.” The brunette knew she was toeing a line. “You have options, a beautiful, smart woman like yourself, you don’t have to settle.” She knew Bernie just got a job as an F2 at St. James. She herself finished her MBA last year and was teaching lesions on the side before she went back to medical school in the fall.

Bernie gave her a weak smile, “Have you ever been married Ms. McKinnie?”

Serena chucked, “Please call me Serena, and no it isn’t legal to marry yet. Not that I’ve found anyone worth it.” She winked at Bernie again, smiling as her face blushed again with realization. The waltz came to an end and Serena fished around her pocket for a card. “Instead of just meeting up in class, if you need to talk, any time, give me a call.” She pressed the card into her hand as Marcus walked back into the building holding a bouquet of roses. She squeezed her arm once more before she moved to the front of the room. 

She watched as Bernie pulled away from Marcus and led him out of the room. Before the door closed behind her she caught Serena’s eyes over her shoulder and gave her a smile. Serena returned it, having a feeling she would get a phone call tomorrow.


	3. Frost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Iordio for taking a look at this!

Bernie quickly dashed back into the living room, shivering a bit in the cold air of the house. The power had gone out three hours ago. She and Serena worked hard at clearing the fireplace, removing as much soot and debris left over from the fires Edward used to make as they could. In the end Bernie looked like a chimney sweep from Mary Poppins, while Serena had a mere one smudge on her cheek. Bernie cleaned herself up the best she could before getting the logs burning. After the fire was roaring she made them tea, the gas hob still working despite the electrical outage. 

“Shove up.” She said setting the tea down on the hearth in front of them and crawling under the blanket with Serena, they were on the floor leaning against the couch in front of the fire. She was welcomed into her embrace under the pile of covers. Leaning back Bernie sighed happily handing Serena her tea. Despite the unfortunate power outage it was nice. Everything was quiet, the neighbourhood plunged into darkness, with nothing but the moon illuminated the streets. It felt almost magical but the practical side of Bernie knew if they didn’t get power back overnight their pipes might burst. 

“Remind me before we go to bed to go downstairs and turn the water off if we don’t get power back.” 

Serena hummed taking another sip of her tea, her fingers gently running through Bernie’s hair. “Okay love.” She kissed her forehead. “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

Guilt crawled up Bernie’s throat at what she almost did. She left Albie’s intending to head to a hotel when something stopped her, instead she went to Serena’s and waited shivering in her car until Serena came home a few hours later. They talked, a lot. Bernie stayed in the spare room for the first couple of weeks, but now, the week after Christmas she moved into Serena’s bed, permanently. Instead of letting the feeling take hold she gently nuzzled her cold nose into Serena’s neck and looked at the window next to the tree they’d yet to take down. The frost crystals spread out on the clear glass, happily spreading in the cold weather outside. It looked like an entire world all of its own. 

“Isn’t it pretty?” She whispered, scared to speak too loudly. “The crystals are so intricate.”

Serena looked over and nodded, “I used to watch the frost on the windows when I was a girl, the house didn’t have very good insulation and it would frost on the inside. They would be so beautiful in the morning with the sun on them, some days it was hard to believe that simple condensation could make something so stunning. 

Bernie snuggled firmer into her side, “I wish I knew you as a girl.”

Serena laughed, her fingers resuming their stroking in Bernie’s hair, “Oh, me too.” She dropped a kiss into her hair, “But we have now, and I plan on making every moment count.” 

She set their tea cups aside and gently pushed Bernie back in front of the fire. The frost spread up the window as the blankets were tossed aside.


	4. Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Iordio for betaing this a LOONNNNGGG time ago. Its a old work from before the fandom exploded and its been reworked for this prompt.

"Bernie?"

"Bernie?!"

"BERNIE!"

Serena's cries became increasingly desperate as she tried to make her way through the hip-deep pile of snow that separated her from Bernie. Holby, as of last night broke the record for a one day snowfall since records began. The brunette was groaning at the thought after their 36 hour shift about going home and clearing her drive. The roads were so bad the morning before that police officers were going to neighborhoods on snow mobiles to pick up emergency personal to shuttle them to work or emergency sights. Serena managed to shove a lone path to her curb before work yesterday. She packed a bag and spent the night in the hospital along with most of the staff. Bernie was on shift when the storm hit and bunked down with the rest of them

“That’s the nice thing about apartment living.” Bernie smirked back wrapping her scarf around her neck, “No shoveling, no grass cutting…”

“...Ah, but no garden either.” Serena interjected, “Stay after you drop me off? Give me a hand? I’ll order a take out and we choose something a film or something.” She eyed   
Bernie’s low car warily, hoping it would be able to handle her street if it wasn’t completely cleared yet. 

Bernie just rolled her eyes when Serena flashed those big doe eyes up at her there was no way she could resist. She knew by now she’d do just about anything to spend time with her best friend. 

Thus now, Berniece Wolfe was flat on her back in Serena’s drive. "Oh Bernie! Bernie are you all right? Please be all right," Serena begged, finally reaching the woman. Her ski pants were soaked from the deep snow. She stumbled and collapsed next to her friend who was sprawled out on her back against the snow, a snowball still in her gloved hand.

"Bernie, please, open your eyes," Serena tried again. Serena never had a very good arm on her, but Bernie had hit her square in the back when she was on the opposite end of the drive shovelling. She jumped and turned to see Bernie standing there finding the roof of her house quite interesting. She narrowed her eyes and picked up a snowball of her own surprising herself with her accuracy, the snow ball hitting her squarely in the face even though she was aiming for her chest. She took off her glove and ran her fingers over   
Bernie's cold, wet forehead. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think I threw the snowball that hard! I’m so sorry-"

Bernie opened her eyes, and laughed, unable to contain herself any longer at her friend’s panicked reaction. The great honking noise startled Serena and she rocked back on her heels. Her heart fluttered at the concern Serena was showing her, it was nice to see her fuss about her, but she took pity.

Relief flooded over Serena's face as soon as Bernie laughed the daft honk of hers. It was hard not to join in. Bernie took her unused snowball and squashed it on Serena’s ridiculous hat covered head. It burst and snow cascaded down her face some falling inside her coat and into her blouse.

The normally ladylike surgeon was sputtering, spitting snow out of her mouth and wiping it off her face. Serena glared at her and threw a fist full of snow at her neck aiming to get it down her shirt. Bernie was able to get back on her feet far faster than Serena, who crawled to her feet and tried to wade back to her side of the pile of snow that grew between them as they had shoveled. 

She had tried to escape but Bernie grabbed her around her waist taking her back down with a satisfying 'Ooft’.

If Bernie would have paused for a second she would have realised where she Serena was, beneath her and smiling up at her, her eyes bright and shining. It lasted only a split second before Serena rolled out from under and took off. 

A phone began ringing and they both stopped, Serena held her hand up to Bernie, “Hello? Oh yes, yep tomorrow. I’ll be there. Thanks Henrik.” Serena turned to Bernie and smiled, 

“I have an interview with radio four tomorrow about our fundraiser for the trauma centre.” Brushing the snow off of her coat and pants as she walked toward the front door.

Bernie eyes lit up, happy that Serena loved the public side of their fundraising efforts. It meant she didn’t have to go near it.

“Come on, the drive is pretty much finished. I’ll be able to get the car in and out. Hot chocolate? I’m soaked thanks to you.” Serena realised what she had said and she looked down at her feet refusing to look up her face burning. She pulled her scarf off looking at it lovingly before gently shaking the snow off of it. Bernie had given it to her last year for Christmas. 

The blonde watched Serena as she inspected the red and gray scarf, she smiled. It made her feel a warmth in her chest that spread to her whole body, a feeling she couldn’t quite describe. Her friend worn it every winter day since she got it, she flushed with pride that Serena loved it so.

"Good, then that makes us equal." The blonde hung her coat up pulling her wet shirt away from her body before looking up and picking a chunk of snow from Serena's frozen hair. 

Serena tutted, “Always worried about being equal.” She winked taking her own coat off and hanging it next to Bernie’s before reaching down to undo her boots. 

"Well, you are the one who said ‘’We are equals after all’.” Serena stood up and found herself close to Bernie, close enough that they were breathing the same air. It would be so easy to just give in. She met the blonde’s eyes and felt a smoldering deep in her stomach.

Bernie swallowed hard, “Umm...” trying to steer them into safer waters. "As it’s our night off and you are supposed to be improving my pop culture knowledge, but as I’m such a great friend, I’m going to let you choose instead." She bopped Serena on the nose with one finger, turned away and walking down the hall to the kitchen with a false confidence that she didn’t feel.

Serena let out a gush of air and leaned against the wall, she tingled. She could have sworn that Bernie had put a spell on her. She shook her head and followed her down the hall, she could get used to this.

\--

Bernie made herself at home pulling down the mugs and setting water on to boil. “I can make a good hot chocolate. I’d always make it for Cam and Charlotte when I was home in the winter.” She laughed, “Marcus would get so annoyed that the kids like mine better than his.” She poured the powdered chocolate into the mugs and mixed in the hot water and milk into the mugs. “It always made me feel proud.” 

Serena accepted the mug gratefully from Bernie. It warmed her that Bernie was starting to become comfortable in her home. She opted to take a sip of the rich, velvety liquid instead of eyeing Bernie’s cleavage which was showing through her white almost see through shirt. “It is very good.” Her voice sounding husky to her own ears. 

A small smile pulled at Bernie’s lips, “Thanks.”

They sat down in the living room and settled into a comfortable silence sipping their drinks, each lost in their thoughts. "Would you mind if I if grab a shower? I didn’t plan on getting this wet." She didn’t realise she was cold until she started to shiver. She hated to ask that of Serena but she didn’t want to go home. 

“I could use one too,” Serena collected their empty mugs. “The pajamas that you left here are in the dresser in the spare room. If you put your wet clothes in the hamper in my en suite, I'll make sure they're washed and dried for you before you leave in the morning."

Bernie smiled, “Thank you.” She stood up and headed toward the bathroom. Neither one of them acknowledged the fact that they each assumed Bernie would be staying the night, because it was completely normal for best friends to stay the night. More than once a week. And leave their pajamas at one another's homes. And have their friend look up at them with lust in their eyes as they are pinned down in the snow. Perfectly normal.

Right?

Bernie decided, not for the first time, that this was all too much to think about. She knew she and Serena crossed the line from friendship into something more months ago. Neither one of them attempted to define it, it was simply too much for Bernie to puzzle through on her own.

Instead, she grabbed a towel and jumped in the shower, revelling in the warm water and powerful stream. She could get used to this, her flat’s shower did not come close to this water pressure.

When she emerged a short time later, Serena was still in the shower. Bernie walked into Serena's bedroom and put her wet clothes in the laundry hamper that was placed at her bathroom door. The last thing she wanted was meeting Serena coming out of the bathroom in a towel wrapped around her wet, naked body. Or, maybe that was exactly what she wanted to happen. She wasn’t sure she could handle it, if IT actually happened.

Bernie shook her head, she couldn’t dwell on it when Serena naked just on the other side of the door. She headed down stairs and collapsed on the sofa. She's been plagued with thoughts of Serena lately, more than ever before. Half of her shivered in delight while the other half recoiled in fear. She buried her feelings, they would continue this circle. It was safe, it was comforting, if she acted on her feelings it could only end one way. Her mind flashed back to earlier when Serena was pinned underneath her. It felt like it was the most natural thing in the world but she couldn’t find it in her to broach the subject.

\--

Serena heard Bernie enter her room to dropping clothes in the hamper, and she silently scolded herself for staying under the hot water in the shower for so long. There would have been nothing better than walking into her bedroom with just a towel wrapped around her and catching Bernie by surprise. She could almost picture Bernie’s face. She smiled at the thought. 

She shouldn’t feel that way but today she was positive Bernie felt something, especially after the snowball fight. Serena ran her fingers over her lips, they were so close this afternoon to kissing, but again it was stopped. She caught Bernie looking at her before, then why was she so scared? She knew why, what if, for some reason she was wrong? If so she would lose her completely. She couldn’t bear it. Remaining friends would have to do. That didn’t mean she’d stop slowly pushing the envelope, hoping the blonde would make the first move. Hoping she will find her own nerve to make the first move.

Serena dressed in a warm pair of flannel pajamas, cozy, and comfortable. They did nothing for her waistline but she left her push up bra on, it did wonders for her breasts, not that she was trying to be noticed. She groaned at herself in the mirror before turning the light out and heading down stairs. 

\--

Bernie smiled up at Serena as she came into the room, holding out a takeout menu. "I thought Thai for dinner, if they're still delivering in this weather," she said.

"Sounds good to me. Although, I have one of those frozen pizzas that you like in the freezer.”

"Half pineapple half pepperoni?” Her face lit up. 

Serena chuckled, “Yes, although how you eat that is beyond me.”

“Maybe that's a better option. Then some poor guy doesn't have to schlep out in this snow,"

Serena smiled at her thoughtfulness. It was part of the reason she loved her so. "I'll preheat the oven and go get the pizza. Can you open up Netflix?" She asked squeezing her shoulder.

"Sure, did you decide what you wanted to watch?"

"You'll see," Serena winked and headed down stairs. 

Bernie groaned, she was probably going to get stuck watching some girly romantic comedy. Exhausted from the snow shovelling and theatre before that, she leaned back and closed her eyes, maybe she could doze off and Serena wouldn’t notice.

Serena came back and got the pizza ready for the oven. She glanced out at Bernie, who was sitting on the sofa, rubbing her back. Leaving the pizza be she leaned against the couch.

"Back sore?" Serena asked softly, trying not to startle Bernie, but still made her jump. She'd heard Serena come back into the living room, but when did she get so close?

"Yeah, the cold makes it ache," Bernie answered quietly, her fingers still digging into the knot.

"Here," Serena said, gently putting her hands on Bernie’s shoulders, "Let me."

Bernie paused, about to protest, the mere thought of Serena’s hands on her made her squirm. She had touched her before yes, but it was at work, with an audience right on the   
other side of the door. Here, alone thought…before she could say anything nimble hands began kneading her shoulders working out the tension. Serena massaged up her neck and down her arms finally feeling Bernie sigh and release the stiffness under her fingers.

The blonde was filled with a fuzzy feeling of warmth from Serena’s hands, she suppressed a shiver, “Thanks.” Bernie mumbled, looking away to the fireplace before looking back at Serena unable to let her continue. She squeezed her hand resting on her shoulder before letting go.

Serena nodded and began to move away but Bernie caught Serena's eyes; the moment stood still. Unexpectedly she realised hiding was useless. The love reflected in Serena’s eyes confirmed what she suspected but was too scared to speak of. Looking deep into her eyes she felt her fears melt away. Her eyes flicked down to Serena’s lips, she watched as her pink tongue slipped out and wetted her bottom lip, and Bernie felt desire course through her. She wanted nothing more than to kiss her. 

Bernie took a deep breath, time to be brave, she needed to trust what she was feeling wasn’t one sided. She leaned in, her stomach twisted when she saw Serena’s eyes slip shut.   
Suddenly the oven beeped loudly announcing it was preheated, scaring them both. They jumped apart, like two teenagers caught doing making out on the sofa by their grandmother. Their wide eyes met before they both looked away, embarrassed and terrified.

"That's the oven," Serena said stating the obvious. 

"Yeah.”

"I'll just…" Serena trailed off, standing moving toward the kitchen. "I'll just put the pizza in the oven."

"Okay," Bernie answered quickly, the frustration evident in her voice.

Bernie stood running her hands through her hair, she was so close, so close to kissing her. From Serena’s reaction the kiss wouldn’t be unwelcome. She heard Serena fiddling with the cardboard box that the frozen pizza was in. It echoed loudly through the empty house, now or never. She rubbed her hands down her pajama bottoms, she was going to kiss her. Damn it. Bernie all but stalked into the kitchen watching Serena fiddling with the cheese on top of the pizza.

"Serena," Bernie moved directly behind her, she could feel the heat radiating off her body. Serena looked up at her with unshed tears in her eyes.

"Serena," she said again, quieter. She reached out gently turning her towards her, she watched as a single tear fell down her cheek soaking into her blouse. “Hey.” She gently wiped the path of the tear with her thumb.

"Bernie, please," Serena asked, pleaded. Standing face to face, their breathing shallow, both gazing into each other’s eyes. Bernie tried not to over think, taking a deep breath she went with her instinct. She leaned down bringing their lips together softly. Serena signed, wrapping her arms around Bernie’s waist pulling them together. Bernie curled her fingers and tentatively crept up Serena’s soft neck ticking at the base of her head before sliding into her hair. Pushing into the taller woman Serena backed her into the counter slotting their bodies together, her arms sliding under Bernie’s and pulling her even closer. 

Reluctantly they separated. "What about the pizza?" Bernie murmured against Serena's lips.

"Not hungry," Serena murmured flicking her tongue across Bernie's bottom lip.

"Mmmh," Bernie moaned. "You taste better anyway. What about the film, though?"

“Film? What film?” Grinning Serena pulled Bernie back down to her lips, kissing her again. “I can think of another way that we can make sure we are equals.” She winked, slotting their hands together she began backing Bernie down the hall and towards the stairs. 

“And… what would that be?” Bernie stumbled after her unable to believe this was really happening. 

“Oh, you know, I think we have some experimentation to do… make sure we both have equal number of…” Bernie captured her mouth with hers before she could finish her sentence. Serena let go of her hand and reached down to slip Bernie’s shirt off, the blue material flew over Bernie’s shoulder. “Go on, one for one now.” She winked, her fingers going to Bernie’s button down sending it flying before taking the steps to her bedroom two by two. Outside, the snow began softly falling a newly shoveled drive.


	5. Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited little idea that I've been thinking about since...well, you know. Perhaps one day this will get expanded upon.

The redness was fading into a purple bruise on her left forearm. Serena looked down at the spot, brought on by her own fingers. Fingers who kept pinching to reminder herself that yes, this was real. She sat on the edge of her bed, red rimmed eyes didn’t dare leave the sight in front of her for fear it would disappear. 

She was exhausted, bone shattered from hours of stress and travel. If she’d the energy she would have cried in relief and happiness, but she feared she ran out of tears. 

Two weeks ago she’d gotten a garbled call from somewhere called Baidoa. In broken English a nurse stated there was her number in a woman’s pants pocket. ‘Her hair was the color of the sun’ she described and Serena knew. The medic turned up battered after an insurgence attack, unsure of who she was or how she got there before passing out. When they stripped her of her bloody clothes they found the scrap of paper with the phone number. 

Serena told no one, bought a plane ticket and left Holby. She arrived to a hot dry desert, she hired a guide and translator to take her by car to Baidoa. She couldn’t stop her hands from shaking when she pushed onto the small ward. It was a bare bones hospital but when she walked into the ward and saw the blonde laying against the crisp white sheets her legs gave way. 

Now here she was, back in Holby with Bernie. The blonde’s memories were coming back, she spent a week at Queen Elizabeth’s in London before being released to Serena’s care. They needed to talk, there were so many things they needed to work out but right now she was at peace. 

Bernie shifted in bed, her eyes, which seemed to now have permanent circles under them, opened. She was lucky, only some broken ribs and a few superficial lesions requiring sutures littered her body. The doctors said her memories would return. Some of the laps was due to mental trauma, the rest due to blood loss and hitting her head in the explosion. 

They had clung to each other in Baidoa, Serena disbelieving that she was alive, Bernie beyond grateful to have a second chance with Serena. They contacted the RAMC and quickly got an escort to Mogadishu, then on to London. Now, finally, Bernie was home, in Serena’s bed. 

“Hey.” Bernie whispered, her voice rough with sleep. She’d only been home a few hours, but the long journey from London tired her easily, “I can hear you thinking from here.” She patted the space next to her, “Come to bed.” 

Serena nodded, slipping under the covers and gently laying her head on Bernie’s shoulder, “Okay?”

“More than,” Her eyes began to drift shut. Here in her home with Bernie lying next to her she finally felt at peace. Her shoulders relaxed as she let the feeling surround her and she slipped into a dreamless sleep.


	6. Exhausted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets just pretend there is only one on-call room, with only one bed in the entire hospital, shall we?

A quadruple bypass! Bernie was still ecstatically buzzing she’d been given the privileged to scrub in. It was early days of her F1 training but the lead consultant told her she was doing an excellent job. She frowned, as she changed out of her soiled scrubs, he’d also winked at her when he’d said it. 

The adrenaline was dissolving and she let out a massive yawn. The consultant had given her the next two hours off to catch a break, baring no emergencies. All she wanted to do was collapse into the on call room and sleep. She was eight hours into her twelve hour over night shift was knackered. Pushing into the on call room, not even bothering with the lights she collapsed onto the edge of the bed, sighing at the soft feeling under her. Reaching down to undo her trainers she felt the bed shift. 

“Oi! What do you think you’re doing?”

Bernie jumped up from the bed one shoe dangling from her hand the other still on her foot. “I’m sorry I didn’t-“ Her words died off, “McKinnie?”

“Oh, just you Wolfe, what are you doing here?” Through the bit of light coming through the window she could just make out Serena McKinnie on the small single bed pushed up   
against the wall. 

“I just finished assisting in a quadruple bypass, it was a six hour surgery. Johnson said to catch a few hours if I could before something else comes in to the ED.” She sat down again, but this time at the foot of the bed. “What about you? How’s ortho?”

Serena shrugged and yawned. Her sleep laden voice sending shivers through Bernie, “Eh, okay, a bit dull. I got to help set a shattered leg. I’m pulling a double and have about two hours to get some shut eye before my second starts.” She scooted over against the wall, “Do you snore?”

Bernie frowned, “I don’t think so?”

“Good, climb under, I’ll wake you when I have to be back on the ward.” She lifted the thin sheet and blanket allowing the blonde to crawl under with her, “A bit like being in the Guides isn’t it?” Serena asked as Bernie spooned in behind her, there was no way to avoid it in the narrow bed. 

Bernie didn’t dare tell her she’d never been in the Guides. Her body felt like fire everywhere it touched the curvy brunette. She pushed the feelings away, the tiredness once again taking over her body. If she wasn’t so exhausted she would have savored every second being squeezed into bed with her crush, instead she let herself drift off listening to Serena’s even breathing.


	7. Stable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't mind the typos :)

Bernie leaned heavily on her cane all but glaring at the chipper riding instructor. She was older than she thought she would be, probably about her age give or take, with short cropped dark hair and a warm infectious smile. Her black breeches clung to her curves nicely, along with the blue polo she wore. Her face almost glowed in the early light streaming in through an open window in the stables. 

“Right, if you’ll follow me this way we will work on getting you lot mounted.” Bernie grimaced before hobbling down the long stall aisle to a large sliding door. When the door was pushed aside it revealed a nice sized indoor riding arena complete with a wall of mirrors. The shame welled in her, not only would she need help getting on the horse, now she would be forced to look at herself be lead around like a child.

She bit back the anger, why she let her old commanding officer nominate her for this stupid program was beyond her. She stood quietly as she watched Jimmy, the other disabled veteran, a man half her age with one leg, be helped into a lift. These were the people who needed this, not her, not a washed up disabled divorcee doctor. She looked on as an old looking Frisian stood quietly as the noisy lift hoisted him up into the saddle. Two people helped settle him, their hands steadying his hips and another slowly led the horse away from the block. 

“Right, next please.” The instructor called. She slowly hobbled to the step mounting platform. Gripping the railing with one hand and her cane with the other she made it up the block. “Serena Campbell.” The woman held out her hand, the same bright smile stretched across her face. 

Bernie took her offered handshake, “Bernie Wolfe.” Her warm grip felt wonderful against hers. 

“Nice to meet you Bernie, is this your first time riding?”

Bernie shook her head, “No, first time in years though. I grew up riding and showing thoroughbreds.” She surprised herself by talking so much. When she started medical school and then was deployed with the RAMC any thoughts of riding left her. Now as an old bay thoroughbred was led up to the block she swallowed back a wave of excitement. The familiar butterflies in her stomach which came with the smell of horses, dust, and hay settled over her. The throbbing in her hip and back faded slightly as she set her cane aside.   
Serena’s strong hands gripped her elbow as she moved forward.

“A bit of a professional then?”

“Ha, it’s been too long to consider anything other than a gringo.”

Serena chucked, “It will all come back to you.”

Bernie wanted to snap back how could anything come back, now she was a cripple? Instead she just clenched her fists.

“Do you think you can get your left leg in the iron? Or would you like the lift?”

Bernie shook her head, she was determined to get on the horse without the lift. “I’ll manage.” She grabbed the horse’s mane with her left hand, the mounting block was a specially made platform, large enough for three people to maneuver easily on it. It raised them up level with the horse’s back. “Right, one, two, three.” Serena counted and gave her a small push into the saddle, her fingers gripped Bernie’s hips tightly while she got her bearings. 

The medic bit back a groan of pain as her hip and back protested at the shift of weight and the odd angle. Her right leg instinctively reached down for the other iron, finding it quickly. 

She felt a smile, the first genuine one in a long time spread across her face. Her hips stretched, and her back twinged but she did it. 

She looked down at Serena seeing her joy reflected back. “How do you feel?” Her hand was gently stroking her jean clad leg. 

“Good…better than good.” Her hands gently stroked the horses neck, while her eyes never left Serena’s sparkling brown. 

“Umm good, well this is Champ. He’s twenty, off the track since he was five and has been a therapy horse ever since. He’s one of my originals.”

“How long have you been doing this?” Bernie picked up the reins out of habit, knowing they were just hooked to his halter. The walker would be steering them around.

Serena smiled again and Bernie felt her heart rate pick up. It was a long time since she felt attraction like this. “Riding? Since I was about six, when I was twenty five I opened my own stable with my now ex-husband. I started therapy sessions about seven years ago. We do it all; kids, veterans like yourself, adults with disabilities, older folks who can’t walk well anymore, anything really.”

They stood staring at each other before a voice cleared behind them. “Oh! Sorry, yes, let’s have you walk forward and we’ll get started shall we?”

Serena ran them through simple stretches on horseback, worked on steering, and made the play a few games. Bernie found she never looked in the mirror once. It was hard to take her eyes off of the sparkling brunette. 

All too soon the hour was over. When Bernie dismounted she felt her back protest, for a horrifying second she through her left hip would give out as her back spammed but just as quickly as it came, it was gone. She stood on her own feeling better than she had in months. A large smile bloomed across her face as she sought out Serena. She was her talking to the liaison officer who organized the Vets with Horses. Leaning on her cane she made it down the stairs just as her physio taught her, unassisted. She neared them, the smile still on her face.

“Wolfe, I was just telling Ms. Campbell this is the first time I saw you smile since the IED.” 

Bernie blushed, “I had my reservations about this but it’s been a wonderful morning.” 

Serena smiled, “I’m very glad you decided to give us a chance Major.”

Bernie laughed, her goose honk startling Serena as she watched the officer walk over to Jimmy who was getting settled back in his chair, a large smile on his face also. “I’m glad I did also. Although I almost didn’t.”

“Oh?”

“I um, since all this.” She gestured to her hip, “Since the explosion, it - it’s been rough.” She decided not to mention her kids, her ex-husband, or her affair. “I didn’t think I needed this, but it was brilliant.” 

Serena smiled, she reached into the pocket of her breeches and pulled out a card, grabbing a pen she jotted something down on the back of it. “If you’d ever like to talk over coffee, or maybe go for a bit of a ride outside, why don’t you give me a call?” She pressed the card into Bernie’s hand and gave her shoulder a squeeze, “Any time Major.” She   
winked as she walked over to one of the workers untacking Champ. 

Bernie slipped the card into her jean pocket, she didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.


	8. Obsession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little ditty that popped in my head

“Mmmph!” Serena let out a surprised noise as she was firmly pressed against the supply cupboards closed door. “Bernie, what?” Again she was cut off by insistent lips. Finally she gave into the persistent her mouth, moaning when she felt one of the blondes cold hands slip under her top and gently squeeze her breast. “Bernie….” She warned finally drawing back and pushing her away.

“Please Serena, just…”

The brunette looked at her, willing her breathing to slow. Bernie’s hair was tousled, a bit more than normal, her lips smudged with Serena’s color of red, and her eyes, her eyes were deep dark brown, her desire evident. They slept together for the first time last week, and since then both found it hard to keep their hands to themselves. Serena’s firm, no-cannoodling-at-work, quickly went out the window. She looked back into Bernie’s eyes only to see them no longer looking at her face. 

“Ehm, my eyes are up here.” She tapped her on the nose. 

Bernie blushed bright red, “I know, now that I’ve seen them…tasted them…” She stepped closer, her lips fluttered gently over Serena’s jaw and down her neck. She felt Bernie’s lips curve into a smile against her skin. She inhaled when she nibbled at just the right spot, “Berence…” Her hands reached down and grabbed Bernie’s bottom, squeezing tightly.

“Hummm?” The blonde’s hand slipped back under her shirt, dipping into Serena’s bra to free her breast and gently pulled at the nipple. 

“Oh!” She arched into her touch, one of her thighs slotting in between Bernie’s legs feeling her rock against her. “Stop, we - we have to stop.” She forcibly let go of Bernie and pushed her away. She wobbled away from the door putting space between them while tucking in her vest. She fluffed her hair thinking back to last night when Bernie questioned against her skin how she ever thought she could be anything but gay since she’d seen Serena’s curves and her breasts. She glanced over at her now, looking for all the world like a scolded puppy. 

“I’m sorry Serena, I don’t…I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I just…” She reached out gently tracing a pattern on the inside of Serena’s wrist. “I’ve never felt like this, sometimes I look at you across the ward and this…Serena surge comes over me.”

Serena snorted, “Serena surge?” She raised her eyebrow.

“Oh god.” Bernie colored, “That’s what I’ve been calling it in my head anyway. Since we…” She motioned between them.

Serena felt her heart soften, “You can say it darling, we had sex.” 

“Sex, yes but it felt more than that. I – I feel like I’m almost obsessed with touching you.” She stepped closer pushing a stray strand of hair off of Serena’s face. “It’s never been like this for me before, ever, not at sixteen not at twenty-five, never. It’s a bit…scary.”

Serena looped her arms around Bernie’s neck and pulled her close, “I understand darling, I do, sometimes I see you on the ward and I have to restrain myself but we can’t be caught with our hands down each other’s pants on the ward.” She watched Bernie bow her head, “Hey now, I’m as much to blame as you are. We’ve been staring at each other all morning and afternoon. If your resolve hadn’t broke, mine would have.” She gently pecked her lips. 

Bernie smiled at her, “I’m glad you feel the same.”

“I do find myself very obsessed with you, and that tight behind of yours.” To prove her point she slapped it before stepping back. “My place at eight?” She watched her eyes darken again, “Oh no you don’t.” She put her hand on the door knob, “You straighten yourself out Ms Wolfe and I’ll see you in theater later.” She said firmly. 

“Yes Fraulein.” 

Serena shook her head, Berenice Wolfe would be the death of her yet.


	9. Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to whomever in the fandom coined "Auntie Bunny."

“Auntie Serena! Auntie Serena!” Guinevere ran into the kitchen holding a shiny new pound piece in her hand. “Look what Auntie Bunny just pulled out of my ear!” 

Serena looked up from her mince pie she was preparing for the oven. “Well, would you look at that?” She exclaimed, wiping her hands on the towel hanging near the stove and turned to see Bernie come in behind her. The blonde’s hands were stuffed in her pockets, “Why on earth would you have a pound piece behind your ear darling?” She smoothed back Guin’s hair which was falling into her eyes, so much like her Auntie.

“Auntie Bunny said it was there all along, that all good little girls have one in there, from Father Christmas!” 

Her eyes met Bernie’s over their niece’s head, the warmth that passed between them always made her heart beat a bit faster. She drew Guin to her side and squeezed her. “Is that right?” She asked, her eyes never leaving Bernie who was leaning up against the door jam. 

“Yep! Magic she said.”

Serena smiled at her wife, smelled the scent of pine from the tree in the living room, and the meat of the mince. Everything was warm, cozy, and oh so perfect. “Yes dear, magic indeed.”


	10. Scrooge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the toughest one for me so far.

“I know he wants something! But what?” Serena hissed, her voice just above a whisper. She snagged Bernie’s arm and pulled her quickly into an empty on call room. A feat that impressed Bernie, and if she was truthful, turned her on. 

She’d seen pictures of the elusive Edward Campbell, there were a few adoring Serena’s living room. Ones she told Bernie, were reprints because during the divorce she burned all of them. Now there were a total of three, all featuring a young Elinor. They watched him through the tiny window of the room chatting at the nursing station. “Maybe he just wants a hint as to what to give Elinor for Christmas?” Bernie asked. Her eyes widened as he leaned forward, allowing himself a view down Morven’s top, his hand stroking her fingers pretending to be interested in her wedding ring.

“That does it!” Serena pushed Bernie aside, flung the door open and stalked towards Edward. “My office! Now.” She growled. 

Bernie watched as Edward pulled away from the young doctor and rolled his eyes following Serena into the room. Shuttering she walked over to take his place near Morven. 

“Alright?”

She shrugged, “Fine, he just gives off a vibe, you know?”

“Mmm, I know. I’m not sure how she stayed married to him as long as she did.” They both openly watched the heated exchange through the glass windows. After a few minutes they could hear raised voices. Bernie knew by Serena’s stance she was quickly losing her patience. Suddenly the door swung open and a smug looking Edward sauntered out of the room. 

He paused in the door way and gave Bernie a leer, winking at her as he headed off down the hall. 

Bernie’s eyes narrowed as she went into the office and shut the door behind her. Serena was sitting in her chair, red faced and clutching Bernie’s sweatshirt in her hands. The blonde perched on the edge of the desk, “Okay?

Serena snorted, her fingers rubbing along the zipper of the hoody, before pushing it aside. Ever since Bernie came back from Kiev Serena claimed it as hers.   
“Oh fine, he is such a tight wadded Scrooge! Thinks because he is out of work we should go halves on Ellie’s Christmas present. Right arse!”

Bernie tickled Serena’s hand and took it in hers, “Ignore him. He’s just jealous, down on his luck, and wants your money.”

“He never was a big fan of Christmas, unless of course it was trying to one up me with Ellie.” Her upper lip curled in disgust.

“Utter tosser.”

Serena barked out a laugh and squeezed Bernie’s hand, “He knows about us.”

Bernie smiled, “I figured by the look he gave me.”

“Is that okay?”

“Perfectly and quite frankly Edward can go toss off for all I care. I do know thirteen ways to kill a man.”

“Ohhh my big macho army medic.” Serena smiled and pulled her close gently brushing her lips to Bernie’s. 

“And don’t you forget it.” She mumbled against Serena’s soft lips.


	11. Comfort

Cool hands caressed Bernie’s fevered forehead, she groaned, her entire body ached. “Humm.” She murmured blinking up at her ceiling, “Serena?” She whispered, her throat felt like fire. 

“The one and only. Open up?”

“Wha – “ She was cut off by a thermometer being pushed under her tongue.

“Ah, no talking for a minute Ms. Wolfe.” Serena glanced around the room. “Really Bernie, do you think you can call off work an hour before a shift, not answer any of my calls or text for two hours and I won’t be worried?” She took in the state of the room, one word came to mind: typhoon. Clothes were thrown everywhere, a bottle of paracetamol sat on her nightstand along with a now cold cup of tea. She pulled the thermometer out from Bernie’s mouth and tutted, “38C.” Her hands again found Bernie’s forehead. She pushed back her sweaty hair and felt the blonde push into her hand, “Poor love.”

“So cold.” She whispered, pulling her lone blanket up around her shoulders tighter. 

“Oh Bernie, what am I going to do with you?” She looked down at the pathetic excuse for her co-lead and best friend. She went into her closet and pulled down a spare blanket,   
“Budge over.” Slipping off her top and dropping her slacks left Serena in just pants and her vest top. She ignored Bernie’s startled expression, “Oh please.” She rolled her eyes crawling in bed and throwing the blanket over them. “You’re freezing, I’m going to warm you up a bit them I’m going to make soup and tidy this place while you take a hot shower. 

Bernie just nodded, her head was spinning, from the virus or something else she wasn’t sure. Serena pulled her close, tucking the blonde’s head under her chin. She sighed feeling Serena’s warm body against her shivering one. Soft hands stroked her back as Serena began humming, it was soothing, calming, and Bernie’s shivers slowed. She tried to keep her eyes open, to treasure this moment of being swaddled in her best friends’ arms but her eyelids were too heavy. Before either of them knew what was happening they both drifted off to sleep.


	12. Lighthouse

“That’s the last of it.” Bernie said, wincing as she set down the last box labeled ‘Christmas’ from the closet under the stairs.

“Thank you love.” Serena smiled squeezing her hand. The tree was up and lit but it was far from over judging by the boxes strewn about the living room. “It’s been years since I’ve put all of this stuff out. The last year mum was with me was the last time.” She dug into a box pulling out ornaments. “Sure this won’t bore you to tears?”

Bernie rolled her eyes and pulled Serena to her pecking her lips. “Why won’t you believe me? I love doing this with you. It’s something I’ve never had before, I adore it.” She watched Serena grin shyly. 

“I love that you’re here with me.” They stood staring at each other before Serena quietly stepped back to begin rooting in the boxes. As each sparkling ornament was hung Serena told a story; where this glittery bell was from, where that small stained glass window was purchased, who gifted the little lamb hanging from the top branch. Bernie soaked it all in, letting Serena’s words heal a wound she didn’t know still existed in her heart. 

When the tree was topped with tinsel and gleaming in the dim light of the room Serena went, almost reverently, to the remaining three boxes. She dragged them over to a long ornate table she pulled out of storage. 

“This was my mother’s most prized collection.” She pulled open the first box removing a long white cloth which she draped on the oak table. “When she was a little girl she started collecting little figurines, when she was older the collection grew, into a whole city. She loved Cromer on the sea.” Serena pulled out a pub, an old fashioned grocery store, a church, and a few houses. 

“She met a potter who custom made most of them, wired them with little lights.” She began arranging them the way her mother taught her as a child. 

“They are lovely,” Bernie said, leaning in close and admiring the detail on the miniature houses.

“They are, the church even has real glass.” She flicked the switch on the church and the stain glass illuminated from within. “My favorite though is this.” She reached into the box for the final item. It was a white washed light house, an exact image of the real thing. Stout and squat with a turning light in the turret, the cap of the turret wobbled as she set it down. Serena gently straitened it. Plugging them all in she turned out the remaining lights in the room. The little city shone brightly across from the sparkling tree.

Bernie settled in behind her, letting the quiet wash over them. Her arms going around Serena’s waist and pulled her tight. 

“The last Christmas Mum was with me was horrible. She was so confused, so…out of it. She tried to put the village up like this, but she couldn’t remember the way it was to go.” She swallowed hard, it wasn’t often she talked about Adrianne. “She threw the light house across the room, strangely enough it didn’t shatter, only the cap on top of the light broke off.” She leaned her head back onto Bernie’s shoulder, her thumb gently rubbing the soft skin of Bernie’s wrist. “It’s a bit of a symbol you know? After everything the light with in it still shines.” 

Bernie nodded, her eyes watering with the memories of her own parents, Christmas’s long past and missed. “I love you Serena.”

She felt Serena squeeze her hand, “I love you too.” They stood that way for a long time, in the silence of the room with nothing but the twinkling lights and each other as company.


	13. Glasses

“Yes, and if you postponed the knee replacement you would then have a theater open for our compound fractured femur! No, I will not hold. Tell Ms. Naylor to move it, we will be up in ten.” Serena slammed the phone done in its cradle a bit too hard. She saw Morven jump out of the corner of her eye, “Sorry, new F1 on Darwin giving me a bit of a hard time.” She squeezed the bridge of her nose attempting to ward off the oncoming headache. Today was quite simply put, insane. It had been since the moment she and Bernie walked in the doors at nine am. It was just going on half three and Serena hadn’t seen her since. 

“Get Mr. Williams prepped to be moved please Morven.” Serena headed towards the office, she’d ten minutes before her she was due to scrub in; if she was lucky she could get some   
crisps down.

She pushed through the door fighting a yawn when her eyes fell on her co lead. She was sitting at her desk staring at her ipad. A not uncommon sight, but it stopped Serena in her tracks when she saw her. 

Bernie glanced up at her, “Hello you.” She smiled before she turned back to the ipad. 

Serena’s throat felt dry, “You’re… you wear glasses?”

Bernie looked over at her, eyebrow raised. “Yes? It’s been a long day already and this bloody tiny print from the new update is making my eyes go cross.” She stopped when she saw the look in Serena’s eyes. “Ohhhh.”

Serena’s sauntered over to her, the crisps long forgotten. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.” She reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind Bernie’s ear her fingers gently caressing the black square frames. 

Bernie smirked and leaned back in her chair, “Like what you see?” 

“Do I ever?” Serena all but purred leaning down to kiss her girlfriend, the frame of the glasses pressed into her cheek as they kissed. 

A rap on the door made them regretfully pull apart, “Please make sure you bring those home with you tonight Ms. Wolfe.” Serena rasped as she straightened her blouse and wiped her lip. 

“Aye Aye.” Serena followed Raf in a daze as they headed into theater, her mind still on Bernie in her blue trauma scrubs, sitting at her desk, hair a mess, and those dark rimmed glasses.


	14. Shivering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this super quick, I'm sorry for any mistakes.

The rain was pelting against the windows hard enough to keep Serena awake. She glanced down at her left hand, even in the dark room she could see the small stone, microscopic according to Bernie, sparkle in the room. She sighed and rolled over, why her best friend reacted the way she did unsettled her. There was no love lost between Bernie and Edward from the start that much everyone knew. 

What everyone didn’t know was the numerous nights Serena spent crying in her best friend’s arms for the stupid things he said and did. He had proposed yesterday morning, a bit romantic, outside of the hall where they first met. She was so stunned and shocked all she could do was nod. She couldn’t remember his face, but she could remember with crystal clarity looking up and meeting Bernie’s eyes across the walk. Her face was ashen, her jaw clenching. She forced herself to look away from her and back to Edward; she thought he was smiling. 

She didn’t see Bernie for the rest of the day, not even in their lab class. When she finally caught up with her she had been cool, so unlike her normal self.

She rolled over again, the rain beating in a staccato tap, tap, tap on her second story student dorm closet, as they liked to call it. She frowned, the rain was tapping too regularly to be rain.

She sat up in bed and listened, again, tap, tap, tap. Throwing off the covers she padded to the window and peered down, the lone street light casted eerie shadows across the garden. There, just as lighting flashed across the sky she could see someone standing below her window tossing pebbles up. “Bernie.” She whispered, pushing back from the window and grabbing her dressing gown. She padded barefoot down the stairs, trying to be quiet as to not wake up the entire dorm. 

She wrenched open the front door gasping as the cold rain and wind pelted her face, “Bernie!” She called her eyes widening when she saw her friend round the corner of the building. Her jeans were plastered to her legs, the white shirt underneath her brown leather jacket clung to her like a second skin. Her long brown hair was plastered to her forehead, “Oh my god.” She reached out, grabbed her hand and pulled her inside.

“Bernie! What on earth?!” She shut the door behind them, cradling her friends hand in hers, it was like marble. She pushed the jacket off and it fell to the floor with a plop. “Come on.” Serena pulled her upstairs into her room. She grabbed towels out of her closet and handed one to Bernie. “What are you doing outside in the rain at…” She glanced at her clock, “two am?”

“You – you can’t,” She was shivering so hard the words were cut off from her shaking jaw. “You can’t marry Edward.”

“What?” Serena asked, pulling off Bernie’s shirt, ignoring her goose pimpled flesh and her white almost see through bra. She wrapped the towel around her shoulders and rubbed. 

“You can’t marry him.” She grasped the towel around her.

Serena caught a whiff of whiskey on her breathe, she swallowed hard, she did not want to have this conversation. “You’re freezing! Come on! Out of these pants and into bed.” She helped Bernie’s shaking fingers with the buttons and pulled the heavy material down her legs. 

Taking a second towel Serena quickly dried her legs and her hair. Letting the towel fall to the side she stood up, both of them staring at each other. Serena’s fingers gently pushed the hair stuck to Bernie’s face out of the way. 

Bernie’s shaking hand came up to capture her hand in hers. “Serena.” Despite her trembling her voice was clear. “You can’t marry him.”

They had this conversation before, almost every week since Serena started dating the soon to be F1. Bernie took an instant dislike to him and it only got worse the longer they were together. Edward was loud, boarding on obnoxious and had a quick temper. He loved to bait Serena, he knew which buttons to push to get her to jump and do what he wanted. At first Serena loved it, it was exhilarating, and he was the only person other than Bernie who seemed to be on par with her. After the first month things seemed to change, Bernie called their relationship controlling, and Serena found fewer and fewer glimpse of the charismatic man she’d first met. Still she soldiered on never one to give up.  
“Things will be better once we are married – he’ll come around. I mean he asked me to be his wife!”

Bernie shook her head, “You deserve better than him.”

“Ha.” Serena pulled Bernie under the covers.

“You don’t love him.”

Serena began to reply but her protests died in her throat. She couldn’t deny it, but then why did she say yes?

Bernie inched closer, her freezing skin melting like ice against Serena’s warmth. “You don’t love him.” She repeated, her trembling hand came up to cup Serena’s cheek. Before either could stop to think Bernie’s lips were on hers. It was a brush of her cold lips to Serena’s before she pulled back, both were wide eyed, and searching. 

Serena closed the distance this time, her hands roamed over Bernie’s bare back, pulling them flush. Finally pulling back they smiled, “You never said.” She whispered breathlessly. 

Bernie shrugged, “I wasn’t sure until he asked you to marry him.” Her fingers traced Serena’s jaw. “Don’t marry him.” She whispered.

Serena smiled, staring into the twinkling brown eyes of her best friend, “Okay.” She tenderly touched their lips together, she knew she should be scared, but all she could feel was relief and happiness as kissed her best friend.


	15. Holly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: miscarriage

“I don’t operate for obs and gyn, end of discussion! You go if you think you can help them.” Serena growled, the office door slamming shut still echoed through Bernie’s mind.

They were lying in bed, both staring up at the ceiling. The room was dark and cool, neither thinking to turn up the heating. Serena picked at her food over dinner before heading to bed, Bernie doing the same. They lied still, neither touching. 

“You know you can talk to me don’t you?” Bernie asked after a bit, her voice seeming loud in the quiet room. 

She was met with silence.

It stretched on, the sound of Serena turning a thought over and over in her head all but audible.

“I’ve operated as an on call for obs and gyn exactly once in my life.” She whispered, her voice coated with a layer of tears. “About twenty years ago, a young woman came in soaked in blood, worst I’d ever seen. I was working the ED as call overnight. It was a mess, there was a lorry accident, a huge pile up, and she hemorrhaged, among other things. Both her legs were broken, cracked ribs… We were under staffed and oh there were so many of them.” Serena rubbed her face. “This woman thought, she had the most beautiful green eyes. She grabbed a hold of me and wouldn’t let go, begging me to save her baby.” She took a deep breath. 

“I told her I would. They paged for the antenatal surgeon, but with the accident, south London was a mess, it would be hours before he could get there. It was all hands on deck, and I was a surgeon working for the shorthanded ED.” She paused. “I didn’t have a choice, there was no one else available.

“Before she was put under she told me it was just her, her parents chucked her out of the house when they found out she was pregnant by a man who raped her. She said the baby was the only good thing to come out of the mess. It was a little girl, she’d named her Holly.” 

Bernie reached over and softly took Serena’s hand under the blanket. “I lost them both, there was so much blood, I couldn’t get the bleeding stopped and the baby was so little. The trauma to both of them from the accident.” Her voice hitched, “I tried so hard Bernie.” She whispered, tears spilling down her cheeks. 

Bernie turned to her, gently brushing away her tears, “Oh love, I know it was horrible but just because you lost one – two patients operating in obs doesn’t mean it will happen again. You said yourself, there was so much blood loss and the trauma of the accident….”

“That’s not all.” She took a shuttering breath, “I’ve…I’ve never told…. Only Edward. I was pregnant at the time,” She whispered, “This was after Ellie. I was four months.” Her voice cracked. “We didn’t have a name yet so I named her Holly. After…after the little girl I couldn’t save.” Her hand moved to her stomach, clutching herself as she rolled away from Bernie. “I miscarried the next week,” Her voice grew quiet. “I’m not a superstitious person, I’m not, but yet.” Her voice broke off as she curled into herself. 

She’d never shared this with anyone, she didn’t even tell Edward she’d named the baby. They were in the middle of getting divorced when she found out she was pregnant. They decided to give it one more chance, for the baby’s sake. When she lost it Edward looked at her and said maybe it was for the best. She never hated him more. She felt Bernie press up against her back, her arm coming around to lay on top of hers clutching her stomach.

“I’m sorry love.” She kissed her neck pulling her flush against her. “I never wanted kids, I love the two I have more than life itself, but being a mum wasn’t what I ever dreamed of. It was a bit of a surprise when I found out I was pregnant.” Her voice was gentle. “There was a baby, before Cam and Charlotte, I never told anyone, not even Marcus. I lost her at eight weeks.” Bernie swallowed back tears, she didn’t want to make this about her when it was Serena who needed comforting. “I didn’t realize I could love something so much, before I even really had her.”

Serena turned in her arms, resting their foreheads together. Her thumb gently brushed aside a stray tear from Bernie’s cheek. “Oh darling.” 

Bernie gave her a tight smile. They laid in silence, tears tracking down their cheeks. There wasn’t much they could say, no words would be able to define exactly what they were feeling. Serena slowly moved forward to brush her lips across Bernie’s, “I love you.” She husked.

“I love you too.” Bernie nuzzled Serena’s nose. They both drifted to sleep, their hands clutching each other’s, foreheads resting together until the morning light.


	16. Cider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick dabble tonight

It became a habit, after her evening run. Once she was cool from the shower and wrapped in a warm dressing gown Bernie allowed herself a cider. The sweetness of the apple, crispness of the liquid, and the lull of the alcohol soothed her. It calmed her aching muscles and mollified her mind. Tonight she stepped into her dressing gown before padding down the stairs with her hair still damp when Serena reached out a hand from the couch. Diverting her path from the kitchen and her cider. The brunette pulled her down into her lap. Her lips covered Bernie’s pulling her in, humming happily. 

Bernie pulled away smiling, why would she want cider when she had something even sweeter right here?


	17. Sleigh

“Son of a-“ Bernie refrained from completing her sentence when she caught a stern glare from Serena. Guin was playing near the tree with her new presents from Santa a few feet from where Bernie was wresting with plywood. A large tarp was spread out on the living room floor, and furniture was moved accordingly to make room. 

Serena and Bernie were out shopping two weeks ago when Serena saw this contraption in a window of a department store. One of the last few in Holby’s downtown. It was obnoxiously large, in Bernie’s opinion, but Serena fell in love with it. A painted white sleigh with three life sized white wooden reindeer ‘pulling’ it. Lights were strung around it and were used as the reins. 

Serena stood in front of the window, Bernie’s hand held firmly in hers and they gazed at the thing. Decked out in lights, with the light up packages (sold separately) Bernie did have to admit it was beautiful, although a bit gaudy for one’s front lawn. It was on sale for two hundred quid. Serena walked away regretfully to resume their Christmas shopping, pulling Bernie behind her. 

Two days later found Bernie unloading the heavy boxes secretly into Serena’s garage, only to cover them with a tarp saying, “Do not open till Christmas”.

Watching Serena’s face when she pulled the tarp away would forever be burned into Bernie’s memory. Now, all the presents were unwrapped, Jason, Greta, and Serena were enjoying an after dinner drink while Bernie began assembling Serena’s Christmas present. She squinted at the tiny print of the instructions again, trying to understand what screw to use to attach Rudolf’s head to his body. 

“Do you want my cheaters darling?” Serena asked.

Angling the paper a bit the words became clearer. “No thanks.” She mumbled looking at the mess of parts in front of her. How such a large thing could have so many little pieces was beyond her. She sat back on her heels and looked up at Serena. Her face was pink with happiness, her eyes sparkling. That was worth all of the frustrating, piecing together of a gaudy sleigh and reindeer. She felt joy flood her as she reached for her screw driver. It was a Happy Christmas indeed.


	18. Laughter

“Oh hell!” Serena slipped again but this time instead of catching herself with her poles she fell sideways landing with an unceremonious “ummph” in the snow.

They were up north at Bernie’s cottage on Boxing Day, the highlands were covered in stunning blanket of snow, enough for cross country skiing Bernie declared. It became their new tradition, spending Christmas away from Holby, far from all the nightmarish memories of a time gone by. After Bernie’s near miss in Somalia the year before, she limped home to Holby and to Serena. 

This morning was perfect in Serena’s opinion. She woke up to the feeling of her wife snuggled next to her in bed, her naked back pressed against her front. Their socked feet mingled together at the end of the bed. It was silent, just them and the birds who yet to wake in the murky dawn light. 

After breakfast Bernie broached the subject of skiing. Two older sets of skis were in the closet and she promised Serena the terrain they would go on would be flat. It would be a pity to miss out on the fresh snow fall. Serena pushed the thought of going back to bed, curling up with Bernie and a book from her mind and warily agreed.

What seemed easy at first was quickly becoming Serena’s own version of hell. A very snowy, cold hell. As she struggled to right herself from her turtle like position on her back she heard snickering. Brushing her hair out of her eyes, and glancing around for her now missing hat she glared at her wife. Bernie was standing in front of her fighting giggles. 

Her cheeks red from the cold, matching her new down jacket, a present from Charlotte. She propped herself up on her elbows and fixed her with another withering glare. “Berenice Wolfe.” Her voice was dangerously low. 

Bernie had the decency to stop laughing and reach a hand down to her. The skis made everything awkward and try as she might Serena could not get her legs underneath her. The third time she tried she managed to get up on one leg but it quickly slid away, going forward between Bernie’s spread skis. Before either knew what was happening they were both in a heap. 

They looked at each other, skis tangled, poles sticking every which way before Serena started laughing. “A right mess we are!” She said wiping her eyes. 

“Oi! I was doing just fine till you fell over and pulled me down with you.”

“If I remember right you lost your balance trying to pull me up taking us both down.”

Bernie rolled her eyes and smiled giving up the struggle to get up. She laid on her back and peered up at the snow covered trees. “It’s pretty isn’t it?” 

“Mmm.” Serena looked up with her, the pines were coated in a dusting of snow, laying still in the woods in the middle of nowhere was heaven like. She looked over at Bernie and smiled. “It is gorgeous darling, but would you mind terribly if we headed back? I think I’ve had enough nature today.” 

Bernie looked over at her and returned her smile. “I think I can do that.” She sat up and unbuckled her boots stepping out of her blades to reach down and pull Serena fully to her feet. She gently kiss her lips. “When we get back I’ll draw you a hot bath.” 

Serena linked her arms behind Bernie’s beck and pulled her closer. “I can’t wait.”


End file.
